1. Not to take yourself too seriously. At times of hardship, such as loss or illness, we can easily lose our humor, and even more easily get very involved with the negative aspects of what is happening. We become the center of our universe. Remembering not to take ourselves too seriously brings a lightness and ease to the weight of circumstance around us. Don't forget–angels can fly because they take themselves lightly!
2. Not to identify with suffering, loss, or illness, as being who you are. Many of our participants realized how they had been identifying themselves as a cancer survivor / widow / recovering addict, or whatever it may be, but had not asked themselves who they were without that label or identity. When we do not identify with the negative label, then the positive side of who we are has a chance to shine.
3. It's OK to be you, just as you are, warts and all. We may think we are imperfect, a mess, falling apart, hopeless, or unable to cope. But true perfection is really just accepting our imperfections. It is accepting ourselves, complete with all the things we like and the things we don't like. In this way we are not struggling with or rejecting ourselves. Each one of is unique, a one-time offer, but we cannot know it if we are facing away from ourselves.
4. Feel everything, whatever it may be. When we are suffering, our feelings get huge and can be overwhelming. It is easy to want to deny or repress them. But if we can really honor whatever we are feeling, then it will bring us closer to the happiness beneath the suffering or grief. Acknowledging our real feelings is the greatest gift.
5. Make friends with yourself. Our relationship with ourselves is the only one that we will have for the whole of our lives, and we can be the greatest friend to ourselves. So it is very important not to put ourselves down or beat ourselves up. As Ed used to sing in Elementary school:
I love myself, I think I'm grand,
I go to the movies and hold my hand.
I put my arm around my waist,
And when I get fresh I slap my face!
I go to the movies and hold my hand.
I put my arm around my waist,
And when I get fresh I slap my face!
6. Forgive yourself. Treasure yourself. These are big steps, but each one liberates the heart and sets us free. We need to forgive ourselves for feeling angry, for getting upset, for all things we think we have done wrong. They are in the past and we are not who we were then. We can then begin to embrace and love ourselves, for we are so worthy of that love. And then we can take any resistance or fear by the hand, invite it in, and open our heart to the universe.
7. Meditate. There is an overwhelming amount of research showing how meditation changes the circuits in the part of the brain associated with contentment and happiness and stimulates the 'feel-good' factor. Meditating on love and kindness makes us much, much happier! And the only way to know this is to try it!!
